if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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