I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
