At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
