does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
