So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
