cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
