when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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