Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
