quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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