Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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