quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
