remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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