sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
