Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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