did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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