Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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