I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You took a bar mat shot.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
