Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
