P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
