Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
