Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
