After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
