All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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