mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
