Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Umm I'm too high to move.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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