i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
