Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
