I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
