he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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