sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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