Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
