yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
