He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
