Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
