is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you win again, gameday.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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