it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
