He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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