More tranny stories later!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
