Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
