Someone shit on the floor
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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