my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
