Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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