sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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