first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
