"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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