its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
