Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
