He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
