omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
