I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
