i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
