it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
