He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
